


what stays and what fades away

by openended



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice
Genre: Empathy, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Ocean, Phone Calls & Telephones, Storms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-28
Updated: 2012-09-28
Packaged: 2017-11-15 04:52:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/openended/pseuds/openended
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>She knows, somehow.  Before anyone thinks to call her.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>(9x01 Grey's Anatomy spoilers)</p>
            </blockquote>





	what stays and what fades away

**Author's Note:**

> ** written before Private Practice 6x02 aired and we saw how Addison actually found out.

She knows, somehow. It isn’t conscious, but she knows in her soul long before anyone thinks to call her.

Henry’s asleep and she’s looking out at the ocean and then the world shifts. Something’s missing, and it’s a big enough something that she has to clutch the railing for a moment. Suddenly, she’s bone-tired. Tears fill her eyes and when she blinks, two spill onto her cheeks. She wipes them away with the back of her hand and hugs her son a little tighter than normal when he wakes up.

Her phone rings, eventually, and it’s Miranda. She’s been distracted by other things in the hours since her world tilted off balance and doesn’t think before she answers. “Hey, Miranda,” she says, and the cheerfulness in her own voice sounds very strange.

There’s silence and a deep breath from the other end and she remembers holding on for dear life. It was only a few hours ago, but it might as well be a lifetime; her universe moves so quickly now with Henry that the idea of it _stopping_ is unfathomable.

“Mark died, Addison.”

And yet, her universe stops.

She doesn’t experience the rest of the conversation, won’t remember it tomorrow. She ends the call and walks outside, having just enough presence of mind to take the baby monitor with her. Waves crash on the beach, heralding an oncoming storm flickering on the horizon.

It had been such a beautiful day. Henry smiled and nobody fought and she finally mastered the car seat. But those three words are all this day will mean.

In another life, earlier this year, she would stay outside as the grief washed over her and the wind whipped through her hair. She’d stand against the storm, defiant against the unfairness of it all until she finally dropped to her knees. She’d stop along with the universe, and try to wait it out.

The exhaustion returns and she sags, leans against the house. He’s been in her life for more than half the time she’s been alive and the world simply doesn’t make sense without him in it. She takes a deep breath and the air tastes too salty.

The baby monitor crackles. It isn’t a full-fledged cry, not yet, but it will be soon. 

Her universe has to keep moving, someone else depends on her getting out of bed in the morning. When it starts to rain, she turns her back on the ocean and walks inside. This is so much harder than she expected.


End file.
